I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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