I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
