You're completely useless in the revolution.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
