hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
