you traded sex for a burrito?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
