I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
