I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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