You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
