my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
