This is not my ceiling
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
