All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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