Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He better not be in your backpack
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
