I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
