we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
