I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize