come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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