She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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