all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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