My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
