Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
