Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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