The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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