i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
