dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
