That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
