it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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