I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
