Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
