im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
