i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize