So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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