Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
