im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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