All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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