the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The adults are the big ones right?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
