Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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