every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
