We named our party play list daddy issues
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
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