fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
