He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
