So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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