Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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