If i come over, it means nothing
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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