Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
