meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
