We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
