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• (313): View more from Michigan

  So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Honestly.

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Don't say a word.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.

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• (909): View more from California

  It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking

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• (409): View more from Texas

  I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.

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• (212): View more from New York

  Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!

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