I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
