I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
