Pappa wants mamma naked
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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