found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
