i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize