The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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