...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
