I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
