aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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