Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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