sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This is classic penis vs brain.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize