oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
