suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
