wat bout pragnant strippers??
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
