omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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