I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
