Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
