So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
