Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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